How to Have Better Sex (13 tips from a Pleasure Master)
If you're like most people, you want to have as much pleasure as possible during sex.
And good sex is vitally important to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Yet despite its importance, many couples struggle to have great sex.
The good news is – there are a lot of things you can do to increase your pleasure!
Here are 14 essential tips for heightened pleasure that will ensure both you and your partner experience a blissful union each time–creating more connection, intimacy & orgasmic ecstasy than ever before.
So unleash yourself from worries of lackluster lovemaking and revel in every moment with these simple tips on how-to have incredible sex.
Enjoy!
How to Have Better Sex
1. Talk to your partner about what you like and don’t like
Good communication is essential for good sex. (And geat communication will make great sex!)
If you’re not communicating with your partner, it’s difficult to know what they want or how to please them. Talk about what you like and don’t like, what turns you on, and what your fantasies are.
If you aren’t sure what you want, try exploring your own body solo or with your partner. If you don’t know what you want or how to communicate it, don’t worry! You’re like most people. (But most people aren’t having mind-blowing sex.)
So if you truly want to have wildly pleasureful sex, this is ground zero.
Practice communicating before, during, and after sex.
If something feels good, let your partner know.
If something doesn't feel good, speak up.
And if you're not sure what you want, say so.
One of the best things about sex is that it's an ongoing exploration, and good communication will help you and your partner find new ways to enjoy each other.
So whether you're just getting started or you've been at it for years, remember: communication is key.
2. Be more present during sex
Being present during sex means focusing on the physical and emotional sensations you are experiencing and tuning into your partner. This can be a challenge if you’re used to multitasking or if you often think about other things during sex.
Many people get distracted during sex, which can lead to less pleasurable experiences and sometimes can squash desire completely.
Being distracted is easy, especially if you are worried about performance or what your partner is thinking. Maybe you have a list of to-do’s that you just can’t get out of your head.
To practice being present during sex, you can deliberately focus on feeling the sensations in your body.
Like any mindfulness practice, when a thought or worry pops into your head, gently let it go and refocus on the physical sensations you are experiencing, such as the feel of your partner's skin, the movement of your bodies together, and the pleasure you’re both experiencing.
Another way to be more present is to focus on your breath.
Breath is an essential part of sexual activity, and it can help you to maintain focus and control over your body.
Certain breathwork patterns can also help you achieve stronger, longer orgasms.
And remember tip #1. Communication can help you be more present and engaged with your partner. Vocalize what feels good or what you want more of.
The more aware you are of your own body and desires, the more present you will be during sex.
3. Make time for sex
It might sound unsexy, but being intentional about connecting sexually is important when you have a busy schedule.
If you find yourself “fitting it in” but worrying about the other things you have to do while you’re having sex, you’re putting a lot of dampeners on your pleasure.
Carve out time for sex the way you would for any other important appointment.
You can even set an intention for your “trysts” to practice new ways of connecting and having more playful, exploratory sex.
Of course, not every sex session needs to be a planned event.
But if you're finding that your sex life is lackluster, it's definitely time to start putting some structure into place.
When sex isn’t made a priority in a relationship, one (or both) partners may end up feeling frustrated and resentful.
If you don’t have time for a long session, that’s OK – even a quickie can be enjoyable if both of you are in the mood. The important thing is that you make an effort to fit sex into your schedule so that it doesn’t become an afterthought.
4. Be adventurous and try new things
Sexual exploration is an important part of a maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
Trying new things can not only add excitement and spice to your bedroom routine, but it can also help you to connect with your partner in a deeper way.
It can be scary to venture outside of your comfort zone, but the rewards can be well worth the risk. So go ahead and explore!
Talk to your partner about your desires, curiosities, and fantasies, and work together to make them a reality.
You may just find that the experience brings you closer together than you ever thought possible.
This could mean anything from trying a new position to experimenting with role-playing or bondage.
5. Make sure you’re aroused before having sex
This should be obvious, but your level of arousal before having sex can often get lost in the heat of the moment (especially if you’re a vulva owner).
On average it takes vulva owners 20-30 minutes to reach full arousal.
Before you jump into bed with your partner, it’s important to make sure that you’re taking the proper time to “get there” before penetrative sex, so that your body can open up to pleasure.
Arousal isn’t only important for your own pleasure, but it also helps to ensure that sex is pleasurable for your partner.
There are plenty of ways to get yourself in the mood, so experiment and find what works for you. Maybe you prefer to take a long, relaxing bath before getting down to business.
Or perhaps you prefer to get things started with some playful foreplay.
If you're not already feeling in the mood, try watching some erotic videos or reading some erotic stories.
Once you're feeling turned on, take time to explore your partner’s body or your own body.
Touch all over, focusing on the areas that feel the best.
Experiment with different techniques and speeds until you find something that feels good. Remember, the goal is to relax and enjoy yourself. There's no need to rush.
When you're ready, your body will let you know.
6. Pay attention to your body and listen to what it wants
Your body knows what it wants, so pay attention to it during sex and listen to its cues.
If something doesn’t feel good, don’t do it – there’s no need to suffer through something just because you think it should feel good or because your partner wants you to do it.
Trust your instincts and go with what feels right for you in the moment.
7. Don't focus solely on penetration during sex
When it comes to sex, penetration is often seen as the main event. However, focusing solely on penetration can lead to missed opportunities for pleasure. (And can sometimes cause a lot of performance anxiety!)
Next time you have sex, try playing in areas that give you pleasure but don’t require penetration.
For example, you can create a more playful and sensual atmosphere. Light some candles. Put on some music. Do sexy things that stimulate and wake up other sensory experiences.
Take the time to explore each other's bodies, and experiment with different kinds of touch.
For both partners, there are other erogenous zones that feel fan-friggin-tastic, and can be stimulated before, during, and after penetration, such as the nipples, inner thighs, and neck.
You can even experience a blended orgasm if you focus on multiple erogenous zones during sex (with or without penetration)!
You may be surprised to find that you enjoy other forms of stimulation just as much as—or even more than—penetration. So don't be afraid to experiment, and remember that good sex doesn't necessarily have to involve penetration at all.
8. Explore different types of stimulation
If you're looking to add a little more excitement to your sex life, you may want to explore different types of stimulation during sex.
This can include anything from using sex toys to experimenting with different positions and techniques.
Sex toys can add a new level of pleasure for both partners and can be used to spice up your sex life.
They can be used to stimulate different parts of the body, and can also be used to create different sensations, such as vibration, pressure, and heat.
Experimenting with different positions can also be a great way to add new stimulation during sex.
You can use pillows to change your elevation (which is great practice for vulva owners, as this can create greater access to more of the clitoral complex).
Or you can research new positions or places to have sex that create completely different sensations and help you to discover new ways of achieving pleasure.
Changing things up can be a great way to get to know your partner's body in a whole new way.
Of course, you don't need to be a contortionist to experiment with new positions - there are plenty of easy (and fun) positions that you can try without breaking a sweat.
With a little experimentation, you can take your sex life to new heights.
9. Focus on pleasure, not performance
One of the biggest myths about sex is that it should be focused on performance instead of pleasure.
In other words, it's important to relax and let go of the pressure to "perform." Instead, focus on enjoying the sensations and the intimacy with your partner.
This can help you to feel more relaxed and increase both your pleasure and your partner's pleasure.
So the next time you're in the bedroom, forget about the expectations and just focus on enjoying yourself.
Expectation is the precursor to frustration.
You may worry about whether you’re doing it right, whether your partner is enjoying it, and whether you’re living up to some imaginary standard.
Remember that there is no “right” way to have sex, so don’t worry about whether or not you are doing it “correctly.”
Instead, focus on what feels good for you and your partner.
10. Use toys or props
From handcuffs and whips to vibrators and blindfolds, there are all sorts of sex props available to help spice up your bedroom play.
Here's a quick guide to some of the most popular sex props:
1. Handcuffs: Handcuffs are a great way to add a little bit of kink to your bedroom play. Whether you use them to restrain your partner or simply as a way to add some visual appeal, handcuffs can be a lot of fun. Just be sure to have the key handy in case things get too intense!
2. Whips and paddles: If you're looking to add some sensory play into the mix, whips and paddles are a fun way to start. These can be used for sensual spanking or as part of a more hardcore BDSM scene.
There are a few things to keep in mind if you're interested in exploring BDSM. First, it's important to establish clear boundaries and limits with your partner. You should also have a safe word that you can use if things get too intense that will end your scene. And finally, it's always a good idea to start slow and gradually increase the intensity of the activity.
3. Vibrators: A good vibrator can provide the extra stimulation needed to take things over the edge. Whether it's used during solo play or as part of couples' play, a vibrator can help add an extra dimension of pleasure. When choosing a vibrator, it's important to consider what kind of stimulation you're looking for. Do you want something that focuses on the clitoris? Or something that penetrates the vagina? Por qué no los dos?!
4. Blindfolds: Blindfolds are another great way to add some suspense into your sex life. Whether you use them to keep your partner guessing or simply as a way to heighten their senses, blindfolds can really take your bedroom play to the next level.
5. Restraints: Restraints are perfect for those who want to explore their dominant or submissive side. From simple handcuffs and tethers to more sophisticated restraint systems, there are all sorts of ways you can restraining your partner during sex.
Just be sure you know what you're doing before you get started!
Finally, remember that communication is key when trying something new.
11. Focus on intimacy outside of sex
One of the most important aspects of great sex having intimacy apart from having sexual intimacy. This means feeling close to your partner both emotionally and physically.
If you feel comfortable with your partner, it will lead to a more enjoyable sexual experience.
Intimacy involves emotional closeness and communication, shared experiences and trust. It can take time to build intimacy with a partner, but it is worth the effort.
Here are some tips on how to create more intimacy outside of the bedroom:
Make time for each other. In our busy lives, it can be easy to let work and other obligations get in the way of quality time with our partner. But building intimacy requires spending time together and getting to know each other. Set aside some time each week for “date night” or just spend an evening at home talking, watching TV or working on a project together.
Be open and honest with each other. Communication is key to any relationship, but it is especially important in building intimacy. Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. Be open to new ideas and experiences, and be honest about your own wants and needs.
Do things together. Participating in activities together can help you bond with your partner and create shared memories. Whether you enjoy hiking, biking, going to concerts or simply taking walks together, doing things together will help you build intimacy.
Building intimacy takes time and effort, but it is a rewarding process that can deepen the connection you share with your partner.
By making time for each other, communicating openly and participating in activities together, you can build deeper intimacy that will unlock better sex.
12. Hydrate!
Hydration is important for sex for a number of reasons.
For one, lubrication is essential for comfortable and pleasurable sexual activity. When the body is well-hydrated, the vagina produces more lubrication, making intercourse more enjoyable.
In addition, adequate hydration is necessary for a healthy sex drive. Dehydration can lead to low energy levels and decreased blood flow, both of which can make it difficult to get aroused.
Finally, proper hydration is essential for achieving orgasm.
When the body is dehydrated, blood flow is reduced and muscle tension decreases, making it difficult to reach climax.
So if you want to have great sex, make sure you drink plenty of water!
13. Be open-minded
Finally, it is important to remember that great sex requires an open mind!
Releasing expectations around what sex is and should be can open you up to new heights of pleasure.
The biggest barrier to pleasure is shame, so give yourself permission to try new things and explore your sexuality with your partner.
Remember, there is no “right” way to have sex, so don’t be afraid to experiment!
