Your Guide to Creating More Intimacy & Connection Using Psychedelics
By the time I entered grad school at the start of the pandemic (which, as you can imagine, was its own special type of Zoom-bound-hell), my experience with psychedelics was already over a decade long.
I was struggling to keep up with the demands of my teaching and class schedule, and was constantly feeling unfocused, disconnected, and frazzled. Something had to change.
I’d microdosed on LSD years before to help with depression, but I hadn’t given psilocybin microdosing a try.
My little microdose regimen consisted of 0.2 grams of a beautiful strain called “Thai Teachers” which I ground and put into my morning cup of coffee every three days.
I would bring my cup of coffee into my room, sit on my bed, and spend about 10 minutes performing an intention setting meditation.
During my “on” days, I knew I wanted to avoid looking at my computer, and preferred to do things that brought me joy, like tidying up, walking the neighborhood, and chatting with my peers and professors.
Despite the world feeling like it was too much to bear (and my then-relationship sliding into the “break-up” abyss) I began to feel more connected, centered, and balanced.
When I did plug in and get to work I found I was more creative, more focused, and more productive than I had been previously (though I’ll tell you, the bar felt low even though I was doing a staggering amount of work as a full time grad student and full time bossb*tch biz owner of two different businesses).
Once the grad struggle had ended and I continued my education as a sex and pleasure coach, I became curious about how psychedelics could be used–strategically–to foster connection, empathy, and intimacy in relationships.
This is not a radical idea.
A host of scientific studies have shown that psychedelics such as psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms) LSD, MDMA, and Ketamine can facilitate emotional release, increase empathy, and decrease fear and anxiety, which can all contribute to building intimacy.
If you’re a research nerd like me, here a few highlights from some studies:
A study published in Frontiers of Psychology found that MDMA assisted couples therapy has shown improvements in fear of emotional hurt, communication, and introspection.
Imperial College London research found that psilocybin can help individuals overcome psychological barriers by improving communication pathways in the brain.
Psychedelics such as psilocybin have been found to improve emotional regulation in healthy volunteers, which could be useful in treating psychiatric disorders involving dysregulation of emotion.
Psychedelics have also been shown to facilitate a sense of ego dissolution, which can lead to increased empathy and a greater sense of connection to others.
Psychedelics have been found to reduce activity in the brain’s default mode network (DMN), associated with self-referential thinking, and this reduction was associated with an increase in empathy and a greater sense of connection to others.
Spiritual practices through the ages have known this wisdom as well.
Indigenous peoples of the Americas have long used plant medicines such as ayahuasca, peyote, and psilocybin mushrooms in their spiritual, healing, and community practices. These substances were used as tools for connecting with the divine, for healing physical and emotional ailments, and for gaining insight into the nature of the self and the universe.
In the 20th century, researchers and spiritual seekers in the West began to take an interest in these plant medicines and their potential for psychological and spiritual growth. Figures such as Timothy Leary and Aldous Huxley popularized the use of LSD and other psychedelics, arguing that they could lead to profound spiritual experiences and help individuals break free from their ego-bound identities.
Despite all of this knowledge from both science and spirituality, I was still hard-pressed to find any sort of guide for helping people interested in microdosing (or who were already using psychedelics in other capacities) do so to intentionally build intimacy and connection.
So I did what any other psychedelic sex coach would do. I created that guide.
A User Guide For Building Connection & Intimacy with Psychedelics
Prerequisite:
Do Your Shadow Work
Before creating intimacy and connection with a partner (or partners), it’s important to first explore and uncover parts of your subconscious self that may be limiting you and your ability to create deep connection and intimacy.
Psychedelic Shadow Work is a powerful and transformative process that involves using psychedelics as an aid in connecting with, and working through, unconscious beliefs and patterns of behavior.
It can allow you to uncover deeper aspects of your unconscious self, often related to unresolved emotions, insecurities, and deep-seated traumas. In some cases, the insights provided by psychedelic shadow work can provide you with direct healing and understanding of your shadow self.
Preparation:
Set and setting
Even if you’re only microdosing, having a safe and comfortable environment for sensual or intimate exploration is key. Your space should be clean, comfortable, safe, and away from possible derailing distractions (like, put your phone in a completely different room). Ideally, you’ll also make it psychedelically sumptuous with a pre-set playlist (try this vibey-chill Pussy Power playlist) and gentle ambiance enhancements such as cozy and creative night lights.
Intention:
Intention equals Attention
Setting an intention is the act of consciously directing your mind towards a specific goal or purpose. To set an intention, start by clarifying what you want to achieve or experience through your psychedelic journey. Once you have set your intention, it is important to let go of any attachment to the outcome, allowing the experience to unfold without expectations. This requires a willingness to surrender control and trust the process.
By focusing your attention on your intention, you are able to align your mind and energy towards that purpose, making it more likely to manifest in your experience. The more you direct your attention towards your intention, the more power it has to shape your psychedelic journey and your life beyond it.
Communication:
Before, during, and after
Communication is a crucial component of any successful psychedelic experience, especially when it comes to sensual exploration, intimacy practice, and expressing feelings in general.
Boundaries and expectations for your exploration should be communicated in advance (because it is more challenging to communicate when you’re in a psychedelic experience). While this is more true for a full dose event, practicing establishing boundaries beforehand is a great communication exercise while microdosing or even while exploring without the use of psychedelics.
Throughout the experience, check in with each other regularly and express your feelings mindfully and with compassion. If you don’t like something, say so. If something is challenging, say so. And establish boundaries beforehand that allow you and your partner to accept these kinds of comments without taking them personally. They are there for you to feel safe, comfortable, and willing to continue exploring.
Communicating after doing an intimacy and connection ritual with your partner is also important. Post-intimacy-practice communication provides an opportunity for both partners to express thoughts and feelings about the experience outside of the psychedelic container which helps any sort of feedback feel less charged and can open more room for connection and intimacy.
Communicating post-event also offers the opportunity to identify any areas where one partner may have felt uncomfortable or unsafe, allowing for adjustments to be made in future experiences.
Finally, it can provide a sort of integration, allowing you both to process your emotions and integrate any insights gained during the ritual.
Overall, open and honest communication is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and this is especially true when it comes to engaging in activities that are designed to deepen intimacy and connection.
Connection and Intimacy Practices:
Try one or several during a session!
1. Eye gazing
Eye gazing involves sitting or standing across from your partner and looking deeply into each other’s eyes without speaking. This practice can create a powerful sense of intimacy and connection by allowing each partner to fully see and be seen by the other. To increase feelings of trust and connection during eye gazing, it can be helpful to focus on your breath, allowing any thoughts or distractions to fade away as you simply gaze into each other’s eyes.
2. Synchronized breathwork
Synchronized breathwork can be done by sitting or lying down facing each other, and inhaling and exhaling together. This practice can create a sense of harmony and unity between partners, as well as help to regulate each other’s nervous systems. To deepen the feelings of connection and trust during synchronized breathwork, it can be helpful to focus on the sensations of the breath in the body (perhaps by placing a hand on your partner’s stomach or chest), and to remain present and attentive to your partner’s breath.
3. Non-sexual massage exchange
Touch-based practices can help release physical and emotional tension from the body. Taking turns massaging each other can create a sense of trust and connection by allowing each partner to feel safe and cared for by the other. To deepen the feelings of connection and trust during partner massage, it can be helpful to remain present and attuned to your partner’s physical and emotional cues, and to allow space to communicate openly and honestly about what feels good and what doesn’t–and what you may like to try instead.
4. Creating art
Art is a powerful tool for expressing emotions and can be a very vulnerable exercise. Choose a medium that you both might enjoy, such as painting, drawing, or sculpting. As you work, try to focus on the process rather than the end result, and allow yourselves to be vulnerable and open with each other. Share your creations with each other, and discuss how the process felt and what you learned about yourselves and each other. Spend time expressing what you like about your partner’s work and what you see in it!
5. Playing or listening to music
Music can be so transportive. Before your session, create a playlist together (or allow one of you to control the ride). Simply listen to the music together, without doing anything else. You may, from time to time, enjoy discussing why a particular song is meaningful to you. You can also try playing instruments together, singing, or dancing. Allow yourself to be fully present in the moment and let the music guide your emotions and movements.
Or you can try one of these psychedelic-ready playlists:
Focus Power | Heart Chakra | Sexy Flow
6. Just…cuddle
Cuddling is a great way to increase feelings of connection, love, and trust between two partners (it literally activates feel good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine). To make the most of this activity and really sink into psychedelic bliss, create a greater-than-usual-comfortable space with soft blankets and pillows. Start by sitting or lying down facing each other and gradually move in closer, using touch to increase feelings of closeness. Take slow, deep breaths and focus on being present in the moment. Play around with types of touch and different cuddle positions. Use this time to practice #7 or just enjoy each other’s company.
7. Words of affirmation
Using words of affirmation can be a powerful practice. Take the time to express appreciation, gratitude, and love for your partner. Be specific and sincere in your compliments, focusing on the positive qualities that you admire in them. This can help build trust and intimacy by creating a space of mutual vulnerability and appreciation. My partner and I have spent hours sharing words of affirmation, and I can’t even tell you how much pleasure and joy that simple practice can spark.
Walk in nature (or just around the neighborhood!)
Taking a walk in nature can help reduce stress and increase feelings of relaxation and well-being. Use this time to talk about your day, share your thoughts and feelings, or simply enjoy the beauty of the natural world together. Use this opportunity to disconnect from technology and other distractions and to focus on being present with each other and with the beauty of what’s around you. Do the cliché and stop and smell the flowers. Admire things. Point them out. Practice sharing your joy, curiosity, and delight. You’ll be surprised at the result!
Integration:
It’s not Optional
One of my favorite quotes from the psychedelic coach power-duo Tah and Kole Whitty is “Integration is not optional.”
It’s the whole tagline to their psychedelic coaching program & philosophy, and stresses the importance of integrating meaningful experience into our daily lives.
After a psychedelic experience, integration allows us to apply what we learned in the experience to our daily lives.
Taking time to integrate your experience can open more pathways to and deepen your experience of connection and intimacy.
Here are some integration practices to consider:
Journaling or another reflective practices to deepen the integration process. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process the experience and make sense of any insights or realizations.
Discuss the experience with your partner or an integration coach, processing any feelings or emotions that may have come up.
Consider making regular use of this list in your microdosing schedule. Psychedelic experiences often involve a sense of connection and intimacy. Consider continuing the practices that fostered those feelings, such as mindful communication or spending time in nature. These practices can help maintain the insights and growth gained during the experience.
