How to Get More Pleasure this 420 (without getting all caught up in your head)
My partner and I love to use cannabis from time to time to breathe new and different energy into our love making.
In this article, we both weigh in on what’s so awesome about being high while having sex and the particular drawbacks that inevitably come with it.
High + Sex
Cannabis can be an invitation to sink deeper into your senses, lower (some) inhibitions, and create a more creative scene for intimacy and connection.
If you already have a cannabis practice, you know that there can be some drawbacks to using cannabis while having sex (like worrying about your hot ‘n heavy breathing with Sahara-level cottonmouth).
But, with some skill and a willingness to try and fail and try again you can clear the pathway for having satisfying, enriching experiences without worrying about “ruining the mood” while having sex on cannabis.
The Deliciousness of Having Sex while High
Heightened sensory awareness
Studies have shown that THC and CBD can increase taste, touch, and the way we experience sound (which is why music is a staple of my cannabis-infused sex sessions). While studies also show that this combo can diminish sight and smell, I like to think of it as differenting sight. Things that are familiar can look a little newer, a little more exciting, a little more…je ne sais quoi.
Lowered inhibitions
Cannabis doesn’t lower inhibitions in the same way alcohol does, but it can do a lot to work with the brain to quiet the usual pathways of cognition with reduced connectivity to the default mode network which is responsible for mind-wandering.
Any experienced cannabis user can tell you that cannabis certainly can help you relax and tune in to the experience, or feel more free to play and experiment in ways you might normally not think to do, but there’s also the risk that you’ll tip too much into worry and anxiety and the “in your headness” that can get in the way of free-flowing pleasure. (More on that in a bit.)
Increased creativity
I love using cannabis to help me get a little bit more creative and break free from just doing the same old thing. Sometimes after smoking, my partner and I will start getting hot ‘n heavy wherever we are: the game room couch, the kitchen, the bathroom while brushing our teeth.
We’ll both enter into a more playful, excited state and we'll just use it as a time to explore. I might find myself flowing alongside the playlist we’ve put on, creating a sort of music video of sensation for myself while I give head or Enon syncing his kissing to match the emotive state of a song.
Natural Aphrodisiac
It’s fun to see science catching up with ancient & embodied wisdom. There are many ancient texts from Mesopotamian, Hindu, Assyrian, Roman, Greek, and Chinese traditions that extol the medicinal benefits of cannabis. Now, studies are finding that cannabis can help increase blood flow to your clitoral complex and vagina which can signal to the brain, “I’m f*king horny!” and make sex more pleasurable.
Change Your State of Mind
The simplest benefit to being high & having sex is that it’s a state change. You can enter into a different reality that’s not super unfamiliar, but just a little extra. A little sparkle. A little magic. A little new.
Added Vulnerability
This is a benefit that finds itself on the “challenges” list as well. Because cannabis has a way of loosening the default mode network and can heighten our emotions and sensations, And because it comes with a layer of very real challenges, it can increase vulnerability between partners. This is an incredible benefit, as it can increase intimacy and connection and create a truly beautiful, sensual, emotional sexual experience.
Challenges of Having Sex while High
Thought Spirals
Cannabis has a sneaky habit of sometimes getting you out of your body and into your head too much. Thought-loops can catch you up without you even noticing until you’re knee deep in some weird, unnecessary daydream.
From time to time you may catch yourself spending too much time in your head, like, maybe you're worried about your tummy poof and how you haven’t been hitting the gym to your level of satisfaction and it’s hard to focus on your pleasure when you’re worried about how you need to remember to file your taxes, but man you really hate doing your taxes, and maybe you can entice yourself by buying a kombucha and a chocolate muffin, but also tomorrow you have to wash your car and oh right, there’s a mouth going to town on my vulva!
You can get caught up in these weird meandering thought loops that have nothing to do with what you should be focusing on and that can totally pull you out of the moment and out of delicious sexiness. But you can get the “mood'“ or present awareness back, as you’ll read about in a moment.
Self-Conscious
Being able to let yourself go freely is one of the greatest gifts of high sex. But not feeling safe or comfortable being completely vulnerable will block this magic from happening.
If you are your own anchor of safety, you can use the same techniques for being too in your head to draw yourself out of self-conscious thoughts and back into your body. If you’re not feeling safe or your discomfort is really strong, it might be a sign to put a pause on the play and do a different activity. Maybe you can come back to it when you’re feeling ready to try again.
Added Vulnerability
For all the reasons listed in the “awesome” section, cannabis can open you up to feeling and acting in more vulnerable ways. While this is a maajjooor benefit, it does require a level of trust, safety, and a willingness to “go there.” Without that, the increased vulnerability can exacerbate feelings of self-consciousness or intrusive thoughts. Read on below for tips on how to protect yourself from the challenging side of vulnerability and deep intimacy.
Your Expectations
I think some people expect that they’ll either like having sex on cannabis, or they won’t. And that one experience (or even a few) will determine which way they lean. But the truth is sex on cannabis is a skill. You’re not going to have an amazing experience every time, because the challenges in the brain shift that cannabis facilitates are very real. And you have to learn how to manage these states, just like you would learn how to manage thoughts flitting through your head in meditation.
How to have pleasure-filled stoned sex
Set & Setting
Having a high sex session can be a wonderful invitation to enlist all of your senses in the experience. Go wild with your set & setting. Create a cinema-worthy sexy scene. Candles, soft lighting (try colored lights!), a special high-approved playlist (nothing is more intrusive than a song coming on you don’t vibe with). Be open to making adjustments if you need to.
Mindfulness
Struggling to stay in your body and out of your head? You can use mindfulness techniques to bring yourself back into the present. Just like meditation, detach yourself from the thought-spiral and refocus on your body and the sensations that are happening there. I find it helpful to shift position to create a radical reset in my body and what I’m focused on. Enon says he likes to focus on a different part of the experience or to imagine me from a different angle, to give his eyes/mind a new perspective to engage with. Think of offering your eyes a visual reset to symbolize a reset for your mind.
Sexy Communication
Feeling comfortable and able to communicate is essential for any mind-blowing sex session, but we follow a particular pattern when we engage in high sex, and that is to be intentional about communicating in a way that grounds us into the experience. WeI love to tell each other what is feeling really good or what we're enjoying. Even if it's just to say “you look so hot right now” or “your hands on me like that turns me on so much” giving and getting bits of sexy feedback can turn you on, invest you more in the mood, and keep your attention in the present. Reiterating what you're feeling is an easy way to bring you back into your body.
Ritual & Intention
We don’t always do this, since sometimes a casual smoking session will just lead to body-melting sex, but you can definitely also use the initial imbibing time as a sexy ritual. Create an intention together as you smoke, vape, or snack on your cannabis treat of choice. Maybe you each voice intentions for what you'd like to focus on or something you'd like to try to do. It can be as simple as, “I just want to sink into the juicy deliciousness of sex with you,” or “I tend to get in my head when I’m high but I’m willing to practice shifting my state.”
Enter into the Experience with a Playful Willingness to Experiment
High sex isn’t a time to put pressure on you or your partner to perform a particular way or to reach a particular outcome. *Pro-tip: no sex session is a time for that! Our culture puts sex on this fragile pedestal that says it has to be/feel/and look a certain way…and if it doesn’t it can trigger us into feeling less than, broken, self-conscious, shameful, or dissatisfied. Ugh.
Sex is an ongoing experiment between two bodies and minds. It can go sideways in so many ways, and that’s okay. We’ve stopped mid-session because one of us was feeling “off” and it gave us an opportunity to cuddle, reflect, and move on to a different activity.
Because sex doesn’t have to blow your mind every time. You can be in the mood when you start and out of the mood halfway through.
It’s OKAY for sex to be playful and messy.
For you to try something new and not like it and say so. To pause if you need to and come back to it. Even if that means “getting in the mood” all over again. It can take up time and space. It can end without orgasm. It’s all OKAY.
Give yourself permission to enter into a new mindset around sex and what it looks like in your life.
You & your partner can co-create that reality together!
