What It Looks Like When You’re Securely Attached
Let’s go into fully sanctioned fantasy mode for a moment.
It’s a future Friday night.
Your partner’s traveling in the next state over, visiting friends for a week.
You tried to make plans tonight, but no one is available to keep you company this evening.
So you hop into the shower to give yourself a quick freshen up.
And scroll Yelp to find out where you’d like to take yourself out to dinner.
You spend the next hour listening to your favorite playlist while you try on outfits that make you feel hot damn!
And you go out. Order whatever you like. Strike up a zesty conversation with the bartender. Smile. Laugh. Feel that emboldened sense of power rise up in you.
On your way home you text your partner a selfie.
I’ve just been thinking of all the ways you’ve shown up for me in the past, and I wanted to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. Gonna fall asleep to the thought of snuggling you so hard when you get back.
And you do just that. A little wind-down ritual. Some juicy self pleasure. And happily drift off to sleep.
>> Your nervous system feels safe and regulated, so you had no spike in anxiety, giving you the bandwidth to connect with and honor your own desires
>> You trust your partner, you trust yourself, you trust in the power of your relationship, so there was no questioning whether or not you were actually “safe” while they were away
>> You lean into living as your authentic self, and that means knowing what will fill you up and having the motivation to go after it
All of this means you’ve leveled up in your relationship security, and a lot of that is because you signed up for the Relationship Security Workshop with me!
You learned a few deep practices to feel more secure in your relationships, and you’ve been doing the exercises.
Spending time apart? You have evidence for how it strengthens your relationship.
Feeling jealousy or big feelings? You know when to do the inner work or when to have a conversation with your partner that brings you closer into connection.
Most of all, you feel deeply deserving of BIG love and respect – and you know your relationship gives you that.
It feels like a blessing, doesn’t it?
All because you made a tiny choice to join a 60 minute micro-masterclass.
Here’s what we’ll explore in the Relationship Security for Anxious Hearts workshop:
How your past (and current) wounds are showing up to sabotage your sense of security
The top mistakes people make when trying to become more secure
What relationship security really looks and feels like
How to coach your nervous system to accept security without self-sabotaging
Then, I’ll guide you through 4 practices you can use to build more “security” muscles in your body, so that security starts feeling as natural as that anxiety you currently experience!
Interested?
You can watch the workshop on demand right now!
I created this workshop to help all of the beautiful souls who want to feel secure in your relationship but are held back by past wounds and insecurities.
This workshop will guide you to repattern your nervous system so that you can embody a deep sense of security – with or without a relationship.
You’ll come away with strategies you can use to re-affirm your security whenever it dips (let’s be real, it sometimes will!)
What insecurity in a relationship looks and feels like:
Anxiety when you’re apart – constantly worried what they’re doing and who they’re with
Questioning motives when they’re around attractive people Making decisions on what to do based on what they’re doing
Lack of boundaries or broken boundaries
Hypervigilance
Overwhelming jealousy that feels ongoing
Taking offense when they ask for space or make plans without you
Questioning self worth or worthiness in the relationship
Sending numerous texts or calls (clinginess)
Needing constant reassurance
Feeling possessive and threatened by your lover’s friends or exes
Avoiding conflict
Interpreting neutral actions negatively (eg. not replying immediately to a text as a sign of disinterest)
Excessive people-pleasing (trying to meet all of your partner’s needs and neglecting your own — you may not even realize you’re neglecting you’re own in this process!)
Micromanaging the relationship (critiques and judgements on how they “should” be)
Feeling micromanaged
Keeping score and always seeking “fairness”
Believing that it’s your duty to keep your partner happy and feeling guilty if they are upset or unhappy
What relationship security looks and feels like:
Trusting that your partner will act in a way that is respectful to you and your relationship when you’re apart.
Feeling at ease when your partner is talking to an attractive person, or feeling comfortable gently sharing your feelings later. (Let’s be real, this can activate even the most confident of souls!)
Differentiation – Supporting each other’s individual pursuits and interests (and knowing your own).
Experiencing boundaries being held, even when it feels challenging.
Not needing to monitor your partner’s behavior or activities.
Healthy levels of jealousy, recognizing it as a natural emotion but not letting it control your behavior.
Respecting that time apart can strengthen the relationship.
Feeling deserving of BIG love and respect.
Trust in your partner’s commitment and the stability of the relationship, without fear of abandonment.
Security about the future, with shared goals and a clear vision for your life together.
Emotional independence, where both partners validate and support each other without feeling overly reliant.
Trust in your partner’s words and actions, believing in their honesty and intentions.
Clear and open communication, with a willingness to discuss and resolve issues constructively.
Reassurance from your partner’s consistent actions and words, fostering a deep sense of trust.
Interpreting your partner’s actions in a positive light, giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Letting go of past traumas and trusting in the uniqueness of your current relationship.
Maintaining strong connections with friends and family, feeling supported both inside and outside the relationship.
Being your authentic self, knowing that your partner loves and accepts you for who you truly are.
