Breakup Safety Plan
When breakups happen, our entire biochemical system is thrown into chaos.
This can make emotions feel overwhelming, and trigger old coping mechanisms and behavior patterns.
If you want to experience a more empowered breakup, create a Breakup Safety Plan that will strengthen conscious, empowered actions and help you move through the pain more quickly.
Your Higher Purpose
Before we enter the Safety Plan, I'd like you to write out your WHY.
This is the purpose you can hold onto to remind yourself when the going gets tough what you're really working for. Think about both short term and long term wins.
When you prioritize your ex's feelings or acting impulsively you're looking for short-term wins (that actually take you further from your true goal). So be clear on what are the real short term wins (e.g. surprising yourself with how accomplished and proud you feel when you move through a big emotion on your own vs. reaching out to them) and what the incredible long-term goals are (e.g. entering into a relationship with full trust in yourself).
Questions you can ask yourself:
Why are you working so hard on processing this breakup consciously? What do you stand to gain from intentionally working on new patterns? What new beliefs can you have about yourself if you start showing up differently?
Find a mantra (or several) from this that you can use to tell yourself when you're experiencing big, hijacking emotions.
A mantra can look like, I am building trust in myself and that's the most important thing to me right now. I can move through this emotion and learn that I am capable of moving through this and that I am here for myself. It's OKAY to feel this way. I will sit with this pain and it will pass.
The mantra can be as long as it needs to be to help you sit with difficult feelings & impulsive drives. That's the first stage of defense against these Hijacking Emotions. Repeat your mantra until you get a hold of your impulse. You know how to be in control. Take control. Then, activate your Safety Plan!
Breakup Safety Plan
Pair Triggers (emotions & situations) with Healing Actions.
List 3-5 healing actions per trigger so that you have choices in the moment and can do what feels most aligned for whatever's coming up. Here's a list to get you started, take what feels right and leave what doesn't; and add your own!
Emotional Triggers
Anxious
Guilty
Shameful
Angry
Frustrated
Sad
Lonely
Disappointed
Confused
Rejected
Scared
Jealous
Insecure
Nostalgic
Overwhelmed
Situational Triggers
Seeing your ex
Getting a text or social media interaction
Being reminded of your ex or of your relationship
Can't sleep
Want sex
Healing Actions
Text a friend
Call a friend
Call my mom
Go to yoga
Schedule a massage
Get my hair washed & blow dried at a salon
Get my nails done
Put on music and dance
EFT tapping with your WHY mantra
Go for a walk
Meal prep
Watch a YouTube video centered around how I'm feeling
Journal
Watch stand-up comedy
Have a good cry
Gratitude list
Take myself out to dinner
Breathe through the feeling
Read an article
Go for a drive
Ask someone if you can do something for them
Sign up for a class
Try a new activity
POST THIS UP
Either carry this with you or post this where you can see it when you need it. The goal is to start practicing the healing actions. This is going to move you through the difficult feelings and the breakup faster. The more you practice successfully, the stronger you become.
